Just let me get old, ok?

At Christmas time 2004, having read about a dozen round robins arriving with their respective cards, all eulogising each family’s travels and achievements in the year just ending, I became seriously fed up. The “Not the Xmas round robin” concept was born in that moment.

Life is not all sunshine and achievement as depicted in the standard end of the year card insert, I thought to myself. So why not produce something a bit different – a piece of reflection conveying some shadow as well as light, something more honest, something offering a bit of inspiration from our common experiences of being human ?

Since my main preoccupation at that time was surviving my mid-life transition without going round the bend or losing my sense of humour, I thought I’d write something called ” Just let me get old, ok?”

One of the recipients was my old friend Ian Holland, Editor of Connections Magazine which had started life in Glasgow, Scotland as an ‘alternative’ health and well-being magazine, and had now been around long enough, ie twenty years, to see most ‘alternative’ ideas become mainstream.

“I found your piece refreshing”, he remarked to me over lunch one day in January 2005. ” It makes a pleasant change to read something about the mid-life transition which doesn’t involve facelifts and depression. (Ian always has had a laconic turn of phrase!) Why don’t we print it in the next issue of Connections?”

Thus my twice-yearly column ‘Just let me get old, ok?’ was born, running until the end of 2007 by which time Connections after twenty three years had achieved its original objectives and run its course. By then, I had also fully recovered my health and energy.

From the autumn of 2008, I will be posting four more back issues of the column on the Weblog - and continuing with some up to date reflections as and when they occur! Check out the Coming Up Soon page to find out when they will be appearing. I hope you enjoy my reflections and derive some inspiration therefrom.

Just let me get old, ok?

“Let me introduce myself – I’m a woman of wealth and taste. I feel wealthy in experience, in loving connections, in my talents, in such wisdom as I’ve managed to distil from life’s inevitable pains. My taste is to savour and treasure life’s small gifts : the first fresh buds of spring emerging after a wet harsh Scottish winter, my little nephew’s occasional impulsive loving hugs and kisses. My taste is also for taking time : to be quiet, be alone, to read, to walk in Nature, to reflect on what my life thus far has meant – and what may be to come.

You won’t find me in the gym, sweating it out with my peers whose main motivation is to keep age at bay. I’m not saving up for my first facelift. I don’t look enviously at fresh faces and taut bodies. Whilst celebrating their youth, I am glad to be no longer young.

In ancient times, when a woman reached menopause and began to feel the pull of death and rebirth into a new life phase, her tribe let her go free of duties for a year or so. She could wander, go deep into the forest, across the far hills, seeking solitude, time for reflection. She might gather roots and herbs only found in hidden places, to be used later. She had time to forge a deeper connection with Spirit than her busy life had previously allowed.

She would look at her lined face and grey hair in still river pools, sleep under the stars, slowly facing the fact that she was in the last phase of her life. By the time she returned she had deeply accepted the Great Round of birth, growth, maturation, decline, death and renewal. Having completed the mid life rite of passage, she was refreshed and ready to serve her tribe again. Her experience, knowledge and wisdom was valued and recognised : healer, midwife, mentor to the young, spiritual counsellor, she had her place in her community till the day she died.

“ But this is the twenty-first century!” I hear you say. “Things are very different now.”

I wonder. Are they? It is certainly true that humans have never lived such comfortable, materially sophisticated lives as they do now, if they live in the affluent societies of the West. Within this current cultural phase, there is a powerful preoccupation with one stage of life.Youth. It is possible because of huge advances in science, medicine and technology to delay the process of aging. Death has come to be seen as a defeat, rather than a normal part of the whole life cycle.

From gnats to galaxies, everything is woven into the Great Round. Why should humans think themselves exempt ?

Everything passes, and we pass with it. Denial of this robs us of the opportunity to face and accept the flow of life as it is. Acceptance, which takes experience, courage, reflection, and time, can lead to happiness and spiritual peace. Denial of any kind usually trails misery in its wake.The mid life rite of passage is presented to us all, the choice being denial or acceptance. The latter road is slower and harder, but infinitely more rewarding in the end.

Just in case you think this is empty theorising, let me share my experience. I was a work addict until the spring of 2001, menopausal, but coping.Then, at Easter, a severe and prolonged family crisis struck. At the end of 2001 I collapsed, suffering from burnout and a severe hormone imbalance brought on by stress. I have not worked since. My slow recovery is taking a long time, and is not yet through.

The mid life rite of passage was forced on me in such a harsh way that I could not deny it. However, harrowing though it has been at times, it has given me everything that the ancient peoples of matriarchal times had the wisdom to offer their menopausal womenfolk. I feel deeply enriched by my period in enforced seclusion, which is providing time to attend to my body, mind and spirit, my marriage, family and friendships. I am now slowly emerging, getting ready to offer my mature gifts in a new life phase – no longer afraid to face growing old.”

(article published in Connections Magazine, Scotland, UK, August 2005)

1100 words copyright Anne Whitaker 2008
Licensed under Creative Commons – for conditions see Home Page

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