Writing from the twelfth house

I turned up in mid-September 2011 at the Induction Day for my part-time Degree of choice at my University of choice….to discover that the two Optional courses which were key attractors for my application were no longer available, this information not having filtered through to the said university’s website  ….

This and other factors led me to withdraw from the Degree course. A difficult and disappointing couple of days was lightened by brilliant support and intervention by the departmental Prof who pointed me in a direction which I am now happy to say suits my current purposes, and stage in life, much better than the part-time Degree course would have done.

I am a Visiting Student, doing one module for one term. If all demands – including a 5000 word assignment – are completed satisfactorily, I will gain 20 credits toward a degree, then having the subsequent option of “cherry-picking” other courses on the same basis.

So – had I embarked on the Degree course initially applied for, commuting two days a week with 6.30 am starts, I would have had to completely get my head down to get through the very demanding work schedule required to complete two compulsory modules. This would have required the serious re- ordering of my life, cutting out all sorts of post-career pleasures great and small: morning coffees with friends, trips to art galleries and lunches out with my husband, weekends away – and most important of all, time simply to be.

One of the many things I learned from my long 2001-8 recovery period was this: I need to be able, on a regular basis,  to sit staring cross-eyed at a wall (preferably one with a beautiful picture on it) clutching a cup of tea, and daydreaming. The way things have been re-arranged, I can still do just that….

….but also pursue a one-day a week highly stimulating and challenging course – cudgelling my mid-twentieth century braincell into understanding more about how to do ‘proper’ research. And do this in the company of a really interesting and diverse bunch of students from both the UK and all over the world.

I staggered home last Wednesday afternoon, exhilerated but very tired, having had an intensive lecture followed by a two-hour  highly participatory seminar. After one hour’s rest, I spent two hours of the evening– balmy and warm here in Glasgow, just like being in Europe! – attending yet another seminar, this time with my friend and colleague, psychology researcher Emily Cutts, by a writer I very much admire: Thomas Moore, talking about “Care of the Soul in Medicine” . Brilliant – and more of this anon in my next blog post.

It’s been a great week! One of the things I love about life is its unpredictability. Although that can be very, very unsettling and upsetting, it can also help us to break through to realisations that we need to have: in order to set our sails, as it were, to go with the prevailing wind of our lives.

I  will always need space to withdraw, to dream – being “squeezed” by too many demands not only does not suit my nature, but also led to my energy burnout in 2001. A most unsettling bolt from the left field two weeks ago, throwing me right off the intended study path, has brought an outcome  suiting my nature and current stage in life much, much better than my original plan would have done.

I came across this  brilliant quote from a wonderful novel recently read, “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd, which sums up just how I feel today:

” I realised it for the first time in my life: there is nothing but mystery in the world, how it hides behind the fabric of our poor, browbeat days, shining brightly and we don’t even know it”. (p79)

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650 words copyright Anne Whitaker 2011
Licensed under Creative Commons – for conditions see Home Page

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