Do you make a point of binning Forwards on principle? I usually do, but my husband sent me this one the other day and insisted that I read it, on the grounds that I was such a stroppy anti-authority person that it would be balm to my soul, grist to my mill, etc. And believe it or not, dear Reader, it truly is! Dedicated to all stroppy folk everywhere, check out this letter supposedly sent recently to the UK Passport Office….
Dear Sirs,
I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.
For goodness sake, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Mary Anne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologise, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!!!!
What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal illiterates working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for God’s sake. I just want to go and park my backside on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell me, why would you care a damn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you’d be the last bloody people I’d want to tell !!
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get yet another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooooooooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have to find some moron to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic idiots) Hey, do you know why we couldn’t smile if we wanted to? Because we’re totally pissed off!
Signed
An Irate Subject
ps (from Anne W) I don’t know where this originated, but if the reader recognises it could they let me know and I will happily credit it.
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Love this 🙂
Thanks for dropping by, Elspeth! I really understand why you like this…
I had a good laugh when I read the woman’s letter. You just never know when a bushy-bearded Ara might attempt to pass himself off as a woman! On a more serious note, identity theft is big business, and I do not mind going through the layers to renew mine.
Hi Bev, yes, it is a hoot! Interestingly, I assumed the ranter was a man…I agree with you regarding care re identity theft. Unfortunately, layers are needed to protect us. But I really froth and fume at the stuff which seems only to be serving the bureaucratic process. There’s a lot of that about!
My mistake, I assumed it was a woman who wrote the letter!
Well. Who knows, these strange days…!
Priceless.
Agreed. Articulate expression in whatever context is to be applauded!
Amen to that!
I started to laugh out loud when I got to “illiterate neanderthal,” so much so that I woke up the cat. Honestly. It’s the same everywhere, and it’s getting worse. My number one goal in life is to avoid the government and the bureaucracies whenever and wherever I can. But they’re out there, and I know it. Thanks for offering a chance to laugh at them.
I totally concur with your third last sentence! My husband says he only has to utter the phrase ‘tax return’ and he can immediately see the steam coming out of my ears.
Brilliant rant! I seem to sound like that most days since turning 50…. ohhh dear ;-P
Now, now! Steady…