Category Archives: Humour – video clips etc

Someone was having a bad day….

Do you make a point of binning Forwards on principle? I usually do, but my husband sent me this one the other day and insisted that I read it,  on the grounds that I was such a stroppy anti-authority person that it would be balm to my soul, grist to my mill, etc. And believe it or not, dear Reader, it truly is! Dedicated to all stroppy folk everywhere, check out this letter supposedly sent recently to the UK Passport Office….

Dear Sirs,

I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

For goodness sake, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Mary Anne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

I apologise, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!!!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal illiterates working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for Gods sake. I just want to go and park my backside on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell me, why would you care a damn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you’d be the last bloody people I’d want to tell !!

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get yet another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooooooooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have to find some moron to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic  idiots) Hey, do you know why we couldn’t smile if we wanted to? Because we’re totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Subject

ps (from Anne W) I don’t know where this originated, but if the reader recognises it could they let me know and I will happily credit it.

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600 words copyright Anne Whitaker/An Irate Subject 2015
Licensed under Creative Commons – for conditions see Home Page

 

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Support for all women whose male partners have the SAF gene

 It is now February, thank goodness, and I have decided to cheer myself and 50% of my Followers up by publishing (with her permission) my correspondence with a female friend last year. When you get to the end of the post, I will reveal to you all what the SAF gene is – then go and duck behind our hedge from the other 50%, for reasons which will be obvious by then!

 From me to Lizzie  

Hi Lizzie

Ian (my husband) was out by 1530 on the day of the (knee) op on Wednesday, and after a rough 36 hours is better today and already walking better than before. Various friends have offered to sit on him on a rota basis…..it is very trying, getting him to lie down to anything. Maybe you have a sensible husband when it comes to health matters….if so, you are in a very small minority, believe me.

Thanks so much for your concern. Everyone has been so kind.

Love

Anne

From Lizzie to me later that day….

Hi Anne,

well that is a relief – the worst bit is over and the trying bit is now to come – my husband is exactly the same. I don’t think many men are good at staying still but you will have to take his sticks away!

My aunt (in Holland) told me an amazing (true) story about wifely control – she (aunt) was on a bus and the lady next to her offered her some sweets in a brown paper bag. Aunt looked in the bag to choose a sweet and saw a pair of false teeth among the sweets.

“Don’t worry about those” says the woman “ They are my husband’s but I make him take them out when I go shopping because otherwise he will eat all the meat in the fridge while I am out!”

So taking Ian’s sticks or shoes or trousers or something so he remains confined to bed or chair can’t be worse than that!!!

Anyway, hope his recovery will be steady and good!

Love

Lizzie

….and the SAF gene? Friend Lizzie was visiting her chiropractor, and complained to him about her new son-in-law. ‘He runs himself ragged’, she sighed. ‘he just doesn’t rest or look after himself properly.’

‘Well’, said the young male chiropractor gravely, with a totally straight face. ‘Sounds as if he has that SAF gene which has been identified in the DNA of a surprising number of men.’

‘What’s that?’ asked Lizzie.

‘The Silly As Fuck gene’, he replied.

I’m still laughing about it, as I hide behind the hedge…..

450 words copyright Anne Whitaker 2014
Licensed under Creative Commons – for conditions see Home Page

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Someone was having a bad day….

Do you make a point of binning Forwards on principle? I usually do, but my husband sent me this one the other day and insisted that I read it,  on the grounds that I was such a stroppy anti-authority person that it would be balm to my soul, grist to my mill, etc. And believe it or not, dear Reader, it truly is! Dedicated to all stroppy folk everywhere, check out this letter supposedly sent recently to the UK Passport Office….

Dear Sirs,

I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

For goodness sake, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Mary Anne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

I apologise, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you and me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!!!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal illiterates working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for Gods sake. I just want to go and park my backside on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell me, why would you care a damn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you’d be the last bloody people I’d want to tell !!

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get yet another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooooooooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have to find some moron to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic  idiots) Hey, do you know why we couldn’t smile if we wanted to? Because we’re totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Subject

ps (from Anne W) I don’t know where this originated, but if the reader recognises it could they let me know and I will happily credit it.

****************
550 words copyright Anne Whitaker/An Irate Subject 2012
Licensed under Creative Commons – for conditions see Home Page

 

Licking a blackberry problem…

Greetings to my loyal followers from underneath the January Linus blanket (large, warm, covers me all over). Since I am currently dealing with protracted computer hassles of mind-frying tedium, I have not got a post ready this week. Don’t go away!

(All messages of support welcome whilst I sort out broken links, lost files, et bloody cetera.)

To keep you entertained as January grinds on, steeped in recession with the spectre of inflation looming and political disruption ramping up across the globe (do I exaggerate? I think not….), here are two of the UK’s funniest comedians being consummately ridiculous – courtesy of YouYube, via my husband Ian. Enjoy!

http://www.flixxy.com/my-blackberry-is-not-working.htm

The Hermit, that's me in January!!

The Hermit, that's me in January!!

120 words copyright Anne Whitaker 2011
Licensed under Creative Commons – for conditions see Home Page